The Beauty of Letting Go

Holy Moly! It has been a HOT minute!!

I am sorry for being M.I.A. during these last few months. When the corona virus hit and the many months of quarantine, I just got lost in all the madness.

We’ve had quite the year already and it is just September. We have 4 more months to see what 2020 will throw at us. Between the Corona Virus, cancellation of schools and other pastime pleasures, elections coming up, the many fires and natural disasters around the world and all the rioting, it has been easy for anyone to get weighed down with the weight of the world.

It is almost like we are carrying a backpack full of heavy books or rocks everywhere we go. That weight can create an excess of stress and unwanted pain.

When I was meeting with my psychologist a few years back, we did an activity that has since helped me to manage the heavy rocks in my figurative backpack. She had me hold out one of my arms. Each time we talked about a burden or something that was weighing me down, I had to put a book on my hand. Some of these trials included fear, guilt, uncertainty and the inability to love myself. The weight got REALLY heavy! I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to hold up all of those books for a long time.

My psychologist and I talked about what each book represented and how to let it go. We talked about why I was letting it weigh me down and how I needed to let it go to help me more truly be myself. After we talked about each one, I got to take a book off the load. When we got to the last book, my arm was definitely feeling lighter but it was shaking from having all of that pressure on me. Finally, I was able to let go of what that last book represented.

Guess what happened? My arm HURT. It hurt bad!! I was not expecting to feel so much pain when I had taken that last book off.

I learned an important lesson that day. Sometimes letting go HURTS. Say what?!? Yup, you read it right! Sometimes letting go HURTS. In a very real and powerful way. Even when all of those things were weighing me down and causing my arm to shake, it still hurt to let them go. Odd don’t you think? Once we let that load go, shouldn’t we feel like a million bucks?

It made me realize that change HURTS. It is so uncomfortable. Letting go and being weight free comes at a cost. The cost is feeling that pain and discomfort for a while.

But then, the beautiful thing about it all, is that after you experience that discomfort, you get to fly! You get to SOAR! You get to be free of the things holding you back! You get to be who you truly are and LOVE every minute of it!!

I feel like during these last several months, those books were piling up again. Fear, doubt, uncertainty, no answers, boredom, not fulfilling my dream job, lack of social interaction, having to decide who to vote for, a test of my faith, etc. Those books piled on REAL quick. And let me tell you, it was REALLY heavy!!

But I walked around with that weight anyways. It just seemed easier at the time then letting go and having no control. If I kept them in my backpack a little longer, maybe it would get better. Maybe it would turn out like I wanted it too.

Silly right? But how often do we do that to ourselves?! How often are we carrying around unnecessary weight because we are too stubborn to let go?

So I decided I needed to do the book activity again. I needed to think about what each book represented and think about how I could let it go. It is NOT easy and it sure has been uncomfortable. With tears and growing pains all along the way.

But I am starting to free myself from all of that pain, stress and worry again. I am starting to feel FREE! That is truly one of the best feelings ever!!

When we decide to let go of those things that are weighing us down, we can begin to grow and work on ourselves. That is how change works. It is a life long process of letting go of those things holding us down. But in the end, it is ALL worth it! More than worth it!

I can honestly say that these last few months have been hard on me. But they have pushed me and stretched me and helped me to become a better version of myself. Those trying times sometimes turn into the best of times. They turn into a beautiful heartbreak!

“Every fear, every doubt,

All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I’m here I would never trade…The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights; I used to pray he’d take it all away.

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.”

Hillary WEeks

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